I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
