Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
