she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize