So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
