she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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