she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
