im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize