I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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