Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
