Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
