I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
