Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
