Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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