I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
