i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
