are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize