Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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