dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
