The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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