i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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