come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
