used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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