my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm always down for nudity.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
