She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
