I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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