NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
