Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
