Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We won't sleep together?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
