i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
