kristin has been a bad kristin
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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