Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize