Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
