would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
