i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
