walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
