Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
