i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
