Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
