dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
