I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
