I'm really into asian looking animals
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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