fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
