I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize