I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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