there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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