Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
