i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
