hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
