To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
