Please, let me fuck your mom
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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