Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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