We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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