it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
