Plan B is the new Plan A
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
