id be glad to
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
