Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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