in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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