Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
