Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
