Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
