I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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