Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
