dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
