i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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