This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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