I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize