was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
