She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
