there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
