Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
