I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
