awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
