She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
