you mean i was at the winter classic?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
